this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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