I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
