You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
