I cannot find my penis.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize