Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
