haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
