i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
