If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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