Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
