I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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