The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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