Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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