Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
