There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My penis needs a shock collar
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
