he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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