My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
