escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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