i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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