the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
