yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
