If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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