we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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