so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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