I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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