One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
