Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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