some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
