one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
