I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
