I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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