I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
A bitchslap is in order.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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