last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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