hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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