Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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