I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
