I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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