i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
