I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
