I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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