1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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