sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
