before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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