I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
