i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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