he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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