i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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