It's Friday. Sex?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
