Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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