Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
