I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
