She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
