Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(901): View more from Tennessee

people would bow to what i just did to her vagina

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(240): View more from Maryland

There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.

(443): View more from Maryland

So glad I found your sister.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".

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(612): View more from Minnesota

He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"

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(816): View more from Missouri

Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.

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(+92): View more from

Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!

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