Pregnant stripper...not hot.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
