if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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