you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Randomize
