just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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