She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
and she was petting her beer can
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
