I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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