Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
sex in a hospital.. check
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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