I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
