You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
