i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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